I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize