Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
