I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
