Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Randomize
