i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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