wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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