He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
A+ Viking dick
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
