She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
