i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
only you would photoshop your dick
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
