Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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