i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
