If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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