i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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