3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
