I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
