sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
