Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
