You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
