Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
