I just cut my nipple shaving
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
