my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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