i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
