I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
