did you get engaged???
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
