Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
