That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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