North Korea, Best Korea!
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize