i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We need a shit load of segways right now
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
