The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
