he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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