Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
