Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
