it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
