after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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