Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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