david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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