Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
