i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize