someone get that fucking seahorse.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
