see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize