Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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