i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
