"it" just moved
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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