Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
