I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
