Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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