Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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