The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
My life is pants optional.
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