My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
