Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
