I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
