Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
