Dude my mom stole all your condoms
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
