I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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