I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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