Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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