im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize