He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
