I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize