I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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