you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
