I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
