so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
