i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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