ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
