Betty ford says i'm here all night
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
