I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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