in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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