Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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