i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
