im six kinds of drunk right now
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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