new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
