If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just found a bag of teeth...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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