the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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