You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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