Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
high people should be assigned attendants
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
