Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize