umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
