i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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