how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize