dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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