Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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