just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
