Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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