In the future we'll all be gay
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
