I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
