Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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