If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
