she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
