I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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