I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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