Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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