His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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