i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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