i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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