six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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