I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
3 2 1 whiskey
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
