Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
