She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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