He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
