i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
