Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
